The Truth Hurts, But it Set Free.

Embracing Honesty as Kindness

adoyo molla
3 min readJun 5, 2023

“Honesty is a kindness.”

When I heard this quote, I had to let it sit with me for a while.

The more I thought about it, the more sense it made.

Have you ever told a “white lie” before to protect a loved one? Was it really for them or was it for you?

How do you know what I can and can’t handle? Especially if it’s a scenario I’ve never had to deal with.

You don’t.

When you choose to tell a lie, white or otherwise, you rob the other person of the chance to make a choice. And in taking that from them, what you are communicating is you don’t trust them to handle the truth.

I think that’s why we get mad when someone lies to us. It makes us feel like these helpless damsels that need rescuing.

The truth is the truth. It never needs supporting documents. It just is.

Honesty is a kindness because it allows one to make an informed decision based on the facts.

Yes, that includes when what you have to be honest about is something that could end a relationship or a career.

I know, scary.

However, you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you would jeopardise something you care about. But we are human. To err is part of our DNA. So, the next best thing after you mess up is to own up, take accountability and deal with whatever consequences come with the mess you created.

If you cheat on your partner, being honest with them is a kindness, even though it will hurt, because you give them a chance to decide what they want to do about you and the relationship. It’s a sign of respect as opposed to people talking behind their backs whenever he is out here singing praises about how a great partner you are, yet they know what you’ve been doing in the streets.

If you change your mind about an idea or a decision, being honest allows the other parties involved to figure out what moves they need to make next. It saves them the investment they would have put in the situation, thinking you’re all on the same page, only to find out otherwise.

Now, if we are, to be honest, when we lie, it’s mostly out of self-preservation. It’s more about saving your skin first, as opposed to the lie we tell ourselves that it is to “protect” the other person.

Just take a moment and think of the number of times you have lied. Be kind to yourself by being honest with yourself.

You will find that you were more concerned with how you will look or what the blowback will look like. Protecting yourself will be at the centre of your decision to lie.

Remember, “The truth sets free, but first, it hurts.” By so doing, it will remove the “altruistic” desire to “not want to hurt” the other person because you already know it will hurt.

Your next concern, therefore, will be “how to handle the hurt that comes with the truth.”

How honest are you with the people in your life? Try being honest with someone in your circle about something you would rather lie about and see how that goes.

XO,

Adoyo.

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adoyo molla

Be Unapologeitcally You! I write for those ready to break societal molds and live life on their terms,, with kindness and empathy.